Wednesday, January 18

One week with Cadence

He's already changed so much. His face mostly. It's already older.

His eyes are an inky gray. I wonder in which direction they'll decide to go... Mine are dark like espresso. Nate's are cool like the ocean.

He cries for food, and sometimes for a change of scenery, and sometimes if his stomach hurts. But mostly just for food. Knock on wood.

He sleeps well both day and night but best when one of us is holding him. Somehow I'm still exhausted. Even right after I wake up. I think my soul is tired and it's leaking through. Giving birth is an exhausting experience. I still don't feel completely ready to talk about it because even thinking of it makes me tired.

He's made me lose all track of time. I have no idea what time or day it is at any given second. I feel as if the day flies by and the night drags on. I wish the sun stayed out later so I didn't feel like I'm living in a world of nights.

He makes me terrified and excited for the future. If I start to think too far ahead I get completely overwhelmed, so I stay mostly in the now, attempting to take mental snapshots of each moment so they don't dissipate into the past like steam from a boiling pot.

He's quiet when he's awake with eyes wide and observant. He locks his eyes on mine and stares right into my soul. I've read that babies this young don't always maintain eye contact so I find it extra special when he does.

He was born in the small window of time between Nate's and my astrological signs. And while I'm not a subscriber to all things New Age, I do find it amusing that he chose to come early enough to claim his own sign directly between the two of ours. He is a Capricorn, an old soul. Born under a full moon, just like his wide eyes.

But it's only been a week, and I know that he will continue to let us get to know him as the days go by. I'm excited. And terrified.

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